


Clint's House

by Auggusst



Series: The Soldier And The Scientist [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Brief Language, Clint Barton's Farm, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, emotional tension, good luck boys, it's hard for everyone, mention of Bruce Banner - Freeform, mention of ultron, naked but nothing spicy going on, showering together, steve tries to understand, thoughtful conversation, tony has a lot of problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-25
Updated: 2017-08-25
Packaged: 2018-12-19 15:59:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11901147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auggusst/pseuds/Auggusst
Summary: During Age of Ultron, Steve and Tony have a serious conversation in the shower at Clint's farm. Turns out the ordeal is affecting each of them pretty deeply.





	Clint's House

Tony didn’t remember much from their arrival. He certainly didn’t remember moving up to the room he and Steve were assigned and bee-lining for the bathroom without a word. He felt numb as his clothes slipped from his toned form, and onto the tiled floor. He couldn’t remember the last time he was in such a mundane household. The entire house felt warm and blissfully average. If it was anyone besides Tony, they would’ve felt comfortable there. But Tony felt nothing good as he turned on the water to the shower. He didn’t feel the hot water scald his bare hands- not at first. It took several seconds for him to realize he had made it too hot. He could never get anything right, it seemed.

The brunet silently climbed into the tub and closed the shower curtain. It was plaid- which didn’t surprise him- and the colors were various light shades of green. But Tony couldn’t focus on it. He couldn’t focus much on anything as the warm water poured down on him. He stood still under the flow of water, seemingly transfixed on some point of interest that wasn’t there. He couldn’t even move his hands to properly wash himself with the soap bottle that stood at the edge of the tub. Tony couldn’t do anything but stand and stare, silent, as the water poured down on his smooth but lightly bruised skin.

Tony would’ve stood there unresponsively perhaps forever if it weren’t for the three short knocks on the bathroom door. Steve- of course. Tony tried to reply but found he had to clear his throat to speak. It had grown thick from lack of use. “Y-yeah?” he inquired.

There was quiet for a moment. “Can I come in?” Steve replied from the other side of the door. Truth be told, he may have come in regardless of the scientist’s answer, but Steve wanted to make sure he knew how Tony felt about it.

Silence once more. Not for the first time, Tony wasn’t sure what he wanted. He didn’t want to face anyone at the moment, but better Steve than any of the others. After a few seconds of contemplation, he announced, “Sure. If you want.”

He knew the question of permission was more than just entering the room- Steve wanted to know if he could join Tony specifically in the shower. Normally the brunet would jump at the idea. He liked sharing showers with Steve. He could study the blond’s strong body in detail, and enjoyed being ravaged under the warm water. But Tony wasn’t in the mood for that today, and he was sure Steve knew it. Matter of fact, neither had been much in the mood for that since this whole mess started. It had caused a rift, and both parties knew it.

Steve didn’t know what to expect really when he entered the bathroom. Tony’s clothes were in a pile on the floor, as usual, but there was an uncomfortable amount of silence drifting through the room. The soldier stripped his own clothes, leaving them where they lay, rolling his shoulders before pulling back the curtain and joining his partner under the water.

Tony’s back was turned to him. There was no response physically from the scientist. Normally, Tony would at least turn towards Steve. This time, there was nothing. Blue eyes inspected the handsome form before him. Tony’s body was always so beautifully unique in Steve’s eyes: the slight dip between his back muscles, or the curve of his hips, the dexterity of his fingers as he tinkered on a new project. But what Steve loved most were Tony’s eyes. They were so horribly expressive. The world could be reflected in those brown orbs. They were both beautiful and haunting, reflecting Tony’s emotions. It bothered Steve that he couldn’t see them now.

Momentarily, Steve’s eyes inspected their environment. He too noticed the shower curtain, and noted that Tony would never buy something like that. But more importantly, he noticed the unopened soap bottle in the corner- still dry, as it didn’t fall under the stream of the shower. It was clear that Tony’s unresponsive behavior had taken hold before Steve even entered the bathroom.

He leaned forward, pressing his body against his partner’s simply to take hold of the soap bottle. Tony didn’t flinch away, but he didn’t melt into Steve’s touch as usual. It unnerved the super soldier, but he made no comment of it. Instead, he pushed open the cap of the soap bottle with a thumb and squeezed a bit onto the palm of his hand. Wordlessly, he began washing Tony. He started with the brunet’s shoulders, a light touch. It didn’t take much to sense the knots and pent up muscles. Tony was always like that- tense. It was only after a good fuck that he was relaxed. Steve did his best to release some of the tension as his hands worked his way down the length of the scientist’s body, careful and caring. He noticed the bruises. Tony always seemed to be bruised. He boasted about his suits, about their ingenuity and safety, but for all his words, Tony seemed to come home with just as many injuries as the rest of them.

Steve exhaled through his nose in annoyance. So much had gone wrong in such a short time. He didn’t blame Tony per se, but it bothered him to no end that Tony had gone and messed with things beyond even his intelligence without even consulting Steve. Tony wasn’t fond of group debates, that much Steve knew, but he couldn’t at least speak with Steve? Even just to get his opinion? Didn’t he trust Steve? It was difficult not to be bitter, especially with how Tony reacted when the group confronted him. Since then, he felt unable to connect with Tony as he used to. There was a wall there- one that he wasn’t sure he could break. Those visions that Maximoff girl had given him…given all of them just seemed to make things worse.

The blond continued to run his hands along his partner’s body, trying to wash away any signs of their current struggle. The scent of the soap was somewhat calming. It smelled like fruit, though he couldn’t tell for sure which kind it was supposed to mimic. Even after washing it off, the scent clung to Tony’s skin. Steve moved on to wash Tony’s hair, massaging his scalp carefully. It finally earned a response. Tony had always loved when Steve played with his hair. His scalp was sensitive. Most often a chill ran through him when it was given enough attention. Now, Tony still didn’t speak, but his posture relaxed slightly, and his head fell back a little, eager for Steve’s touch. He sighed softly.

Steve wanted to break the silence, he really did. It had been at least ten minutes now without speaking, perhaps the longest silence they ever shared. It was uncomfortable when Tony was silent. He was so used to the brunet ranting on, either enthusiastically about some piece of technology, or lazily, sharing parts of his day or asking questions. Whenever Tony stopped talking, Steve knew he wasn’t in a good place. Now, it made him tense- tense, and annoyed, frustrated even. They had a lot to address. This was the first time they were truly alone too. Why was it so difficult for Tony to open up? Why couldn’t he just share what he was feeling? Instead, Tony always turned away, always put up a front. It drove Steve nuts. But all the same, condemning Tony for that behavior made him a hypocrite. Steve had acted similarly in several situations. He sighed, rinsing the last bits of shampoo from the brunet’s soft hair. Why were they both so difficult?

As he began washing himself, Steve found the silence had become unbearable. He had to break it. But how? No good words came to mind, so he began with the best his lips could form. “Tony,” Steve began.

If Steve’s ears weren’t so good, he may have missed the quiet response his address had elicited from the man before him. The sound was almost completely drowned out by the steady stream of water in the shower. But Steve heard it, and it made him regret speaking.

“I just wanted to do good,” Tony had interrupted. His voice was thick, but oh so soft. His shoulders slumped, and for the first time, he moved from his spot. The smaller man pressed himself against the cool shower wall, resting his forehead on it. He still hadn’t looked Steve in the eyes.

Steve didn’t know how to respond. He knew Tony only ever had good intentions, but the situation frustrated him. He clenched a fist, trying to figure out what to say. Tony seemed to be waiting for his response. He could see those shoulders tensing again. The soldier sighed.

“I know, Tony… I know. But you could’ve said something, at least to me. We deserved to know what you were doing,” The blond replied sternly, perhaps a little too sternly. The situation had stressed him out too. They were all struggling in their own way.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Tony said, finally meeting his eyes. Steve almost wished Tony hadn’t looked. There was such emotion in those brown orbs that he wasn’t anticipating. He doubted he could ever be ready for something like that. A lump formed in his throat, and Tony continued.

“Bruce and I ran some diagnostics on the scepter. Just wanted to see what it was made of. What we found was this- this beautiful system. It was a lot like Jarvis. Only, more perfect. I didn’t need to program it to think, to recognize emotion, nothing like that. It already had it _._ The perfect AI. I’d never seen something so incredible, so filled with potential,” The brunet explained. He paused a moment, no longer leaning on the shower wall, and instead facing his partner, arms curled towards his chest. Steve recognized it as a sign of anxiousness. He kept still, allowing Tony to continue and trying to keep an open mind.

It took Tony a few seconds before he was able to speak. He ran a hand across his neck, tensed his shoulders. “I….we’re not safe. We never were _._ New York- the things we saw there-“ he took a breath, attempting to stable himself. “There’s so much more out there, so much we’re not ready for. If-if that nuke was out of the picture, I’m not sure we could’ve won. We weren’t ready, and we still aren’t. But something’s gonna come. I feel it- every day- from the time I wake up til the time I stumble into bed. We’re _not ready_ and we’re not going to be unless we start preparing.” His words became breathless, and a hand moved to the shower wall to stable himself. Steve hated seeing Tony like that- so vulnerable, but he let the scientist continue.

“We saw an opportunity. We need something, anything, for when They come. But we never came close. Three days- we worked non-stop for three days, but nothing we tried worked. S-so I left the lab, went to join the party. I didn’t know. I still don’t know what happened. Whatever we had tried to build, it was corrupted. It… _Ultron_ … was never supposed to be like that,” Tony said. His wide eyes looked into Steve’s face, pleading for some form of forgiveness. Steve’s teeth were grit behind his lips. He couldn’t blame Tony for what Ultron had become, but he still couldn’t forgive the betrayal. It took a few moments of those soulful eyes boring into his own for Steve to nod curtly.

“I’m not blaming you for what Ultron is. You couldn’t have known what he would become,” Steve said finally, an exhausted sigh accompanying his words. “But you have to trust us, Tony. We’re never going to be able to work together if we don’t trust each other. Why didn’t you say anything?” the blond asked.

Tony shook his head. “I didn’t say anything because no one gives a damn. You’ve all seen it- what an alien invasion looks like. We got lucky. But none of you wants to accept the fact that this wasn’t the end of it. It was only the beginning. Every time I try to bring something new to the table, I get shut down. People think I’m crazy. People have always shut my ideas down,” he said, somewhat bitterly, looking at the floor. “Well when I know I’m right, I’m going to do what needs to be done, despite what anyone else says. That’s why I didn’t bring it up- because not one of you would’ve considered it.”

“How can you say that?” Steve asked. “You don’t know what everyone would’ve thought about this. You can’t know if you don’t ask! We may have all decided it was a good idea. We could’ve prepared together in some way. Tony we’re a team. We have to act like it,” The blond declared. But that answer didn’t satisfy the brunet, it seemed. Tony shrunk in on himself once more, brows tugged downward.

“We’re not a team,” he said. “ _I_ don’t feel like a member of this team. I feel like an outsider. Like no one gives a damn about what I say! I don’t want to lead- never did- but I want to feel validated, Steve. And I’m sick and tired of getting blamed for things that aren’t my fault. I…Don’t they- don’t you- understand how much this situation is hurting me? He… _Ultron…_ ” Tony drifted off for a moment, struggling to breathe. A hand crossed his chest, fingering the scars of his removed arc reactor. For a second Steve worried Tony might fall over. The next words out of the brunet’s pretty mouth shook Steve to his core.

“He _scares me,_ ” Tony said quietly. “So much.”

Steve’s mouth ran dry. He didn’t know what to say to that. It was perhaps the first time the Stark had openly admitted fear of anything, and it was clear he wasn’t exaggerating. Everything from Tony’s posture to the quiver in his voice proved his words true. Any semblance of annoyance left Steve’s body as quickly as it came, and he slowly reached out and pulled the shorter man into his arms. Steve rested his chin on Tony’s head, listening to the water fall onto the floor of the tub.

“He scares me because he _is_ me, everything I tell myself I’m not but know I am. From the way he walks, to the way he sounds, to the things he says. It’s all me. I can’t look at him with-without feeling like that’s what I’m going to become. Or maybe I’m already like that. Everything I’ve ever hated about myself is standing in front of me. And I’ve got no one to blame but myself, and everyone seems to want to remind me of that,” Tony’s arms linked around Steve’s body, allowing himself to melt into his partner. His face wasn’t visible to the soldier, and it was too wet to tell, but if they had been dry, he’d have been able to see the tears forming on the edges of those brown eyes. Tony’s grip was weak but desperate. He shook slightly, and Steve held him tighter.

“Tony, you’re nothing like that. You’re strong and smart and so unbelievably caring. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You always have. And I can tell you right now that you’re going to beat this. You’re going to beat him _,_ ” Steve replied.

“How?” Tony asked. Steve was silent for a moment, and Tony repeated his question. “ _How_ , Steve? How do I beat this?”

Steve sighed, shutting his eyes. His head still rested on Tony’s. This was all so frustrating. He wished they weren’t in this situation. He wished he hadn’t underestimated the depths of Tony’s struggle. Not just with Ultron, but with the group as a whole, and as an extension, himself. He wished he had known the extent of their issues before. There was a lot to work on, personally, and they didn’t have the time for it now. Steve swallowed hard.

“ _We_ beat this. Together,” he replied.

“Together…” Tony echoed, apparently testing the word. Steve wasn’t sure he had Tony convinced, but the tenseness of the shorter man’s shoulders released slightly. They had a long way to go, but tonight, for the first time in the last few days, they would sleep together, in some form of peace. The threat of Ultron loomed on the horizon, but for the moment, Steve focused on the feeling of Tony in his arms, and the simplicity of their environment.

For a moment, he could forget the haunting visions he had experienced earlier about his past.

For a moment, he was home. Home wasn't perfect. Slowly Steve had begun to realize that. Home was filled with struggle and arguments and several issues, but the ability to look past all of that and still feel loved and welcomed- that's what made home feel like home. He felt that way with Tony. He had built something these past few years, and he wasn't going to let Ultron destroy it. For now, they were at Clint's house. Steve was going to take this time to breathe, and to remind Tony just how strong they were together. He was going to remind them ALL that they belonged together, as a group, as a family. They were The Avengers, and fighting for home was their ultimate purpose. 

Steve would save home for himself and them all, or die trying.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'know, all of my STony fics end up roughly the same length? I don't plan for that or anything. It just naturally happens.  
> Weird.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> 


End file.
